Poking a lion with a stick.  Being a certified landmine tester.  Eating at RDH. All ideas a sane person would think twice about before doing, but not me.

So when women’s basketball coach Karen Aston told me she was in need of several practice players to help her team, a severe chemical reaction took place in my brain and made me think I could help her out with her problem.  So before fully comprehending what I was committing myself to and the ramifications of these words would have on my body and ego, I volunteered my services to be a practice player with the Niners women’s basketball team for a day.

As I walked hesitantly down to the Hayward Practice Gym in a borrowed pair of worn out Nike Air’s, I was greeted by several players conversing in the hallway.  Attempting not to laugh, one asked if I was lost.

I kindly said no and made a mental note to make sure I drain a three-pointer over her outstretched arm during practice to show her up.

Coach Aston greeted me with a smile and quickly threw me into the guillotine/action.  What I had failed to realize is that most of the team had just completed individual workouts and were already showing signs of fatigue after nearly an hour on the court.  Advantage me.

My first assignment was a dribbling and charging drill with sophomore Shannon McCallum.  It was my job to attempt to drive by Shannon and she would try to draw the charge on me.  I dribbled left she blocked me.  I dribbled right and met a brick wall named Shannon.  I dribbled left again, but my ankles, knees and the ball continued right leaving me contorted on the floor.

That advantage I once thought I had owned over the players had disintegrated quicker than Kool-Aid mix in water. As I fumbled up and down the floor making an idiot of myself, Shannon took pity on me and tried to boost myself esteem with words of encouragement throughout the drill, but my ego was already turning black and blue.

At one point I found myself walking into a literal “no man’s land” in the middle of the court and into the path of a charging Ashley Spriggs.  Wishing not to be disemboweled by a stampeding Spriggs, I immediately took several steps right and averted a near disaster that would of most likely ended with me spending several hours in the Emergency Room.

Tip for the gentlemen reading.

While you may think that being in close quarters with a dozen athletic women who are sweating profusely may sound like fun, I can guarantee you that hugging a cactus is more enjoyable.  You see, as I was trying to guard a horde of powerful 18-22 year old women who seemed hell bent on driving my 5’11” 155lbs. frame into the flooring of Hayward Court, I realized this job is not for the faint of heart.

As a seemingly never ending wave of players drove down on me and the four other college-age practice men who consisted of my team, I experienced just how hard this team practices.  All 12 of these women had been practicing for more than two hours and yet in my 15 minutes of time on the court, I appeared more exhausted then the entire squad.  My fellow practice teamers didn’t seem to be sharing my pain.

I motioned to the athletic trainer to prepare the defibrillator…just in case.

The women’s team seemed to love the fact that I was practicing because every time the practice squad went on offense, all five women on the floor clamored to cover me.  I’m guessing it was due to my good looks and witty personality and not my inability to drive down the lane. 

My big moment to shine came halfway through practice as team manager Eric McCombs passed me the ball just outside the arc.  As I squared up and shot my three-pointer I envisioned 9,000 fans in the stands of Halton Arena as I hit the winning shot with time running out sending Charlotte to the Final Four.  That dream lasted less than a second as I watched my shot fall a good two feet short of the net for an air ball.  Luckily Coach Aston wasn’t looking when I took that shot

The remainder of the practice was a blur of flying bodies and unconsensual contact.  At one point I caught a left hip check from junior forward Erin Floyd which I’m pretty sure rearranged my kidneys and liver.  I was told later by several of the practice players that Floyd is the most physical player to defend against.  Lucky me.

I also made the mistake of attempting to guard senior Tracy Ray who quickly twisted my arms and legs into some form of contemporary artwork with one swift crossover move.  Even a simple “high-five” from freshman Rachelle Coward nearly broke several fingers.

Apparently my entire elapsed time on the court was less than 30 minutes, but I guess time tends to stand still when you’re getting posterized by a woman that’s four inches shorter than you.

Afterwards, Coach Aston congratulated me on my successful run through practice.

“You’re probably a specialty player,” said Aston.  “You’re probably a prime time defender.”

Which I believe is a nice way of saying second string towel boy.

When I asked where my game needed the most improvement, Aston said I needed too work on controlling the ball better with my left hand.  I didn’t mention to her that I was left hand dominate.

While my basketball skills left something to be desired, I apparently left an impact on several of the players.  Junior Aysha Jones gave me an “A for effort” and Ray rated my play as a “7+” out of 10 for my hard work.  Good, but not good enough to get her phone number for a date.

Coach Aston and the team are looking for several dedicated individuals to become practice regulars and help propel the Niners to the next level. 

“They’re a huge factor to our success,” said Ray about the practice team.  “They’re bigger, stronger and faster than us and make us work harder.”

So to any guy who thinks he’s too good to practice with women, I personally invite you to try a day in life of the practice men and take on women with more strength than Xena the Warrior Princess.

The Niners currently have about five or six male practice players who put in around 10-15 hours a week, helping the women of Charlotte basketball improve their game.  While full team practice does not begin until late October, Aston is looking to double the number of practice players.

“I love to help,” says second year practice team member Temarque Brown.  “Seeing the increase in talent and how [the women] get better is good to see.”

Team manager K.J. Jimoh says he enjoys practing with the women’s team because the play is more organized than pick-up games in the SAC or in Belk Gym.  Jimoh spent last season as just a practice player before being asked by Coach Aston to become a team manager.  Now K.J. recives some financial help and travels to all of the women’s games.

While the job is purely volunteer, practice players benefit from a great workout routine to keep in shape and free practice shoes from the athletic department.  Information about joining the women’s basketball team as a practice team member can be found at Charlotte 49ers.com under the “women’s basketball” tab.  Or contact Sabrina Gregory, director of Basketball Operations at sngregor@uncc.edu.