COLUMN: Patriarchy hurts men, too
Virginia Jordan
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We've been talking about "Patriarchy Hurts Men, Too" (henceforth known as PHMT) in my Women's Studies class, and it's quite a frustrating idea. It's true enough, for sure. Patriarchy does limit the opportunities of men, locks them into the role of oppressor, and encourages them to be competitive and violent towards one another.
It is nice when men realize the flaws of patriarchy and decide to relinquish their male privilege and work for a better society. I certainly prefer men to be pro-feminist rather than anti-feminist.
But what bothers me about the idea of PHMT -- and the way in which it is being relentlessly promoted -- is that it trivializes the fact that patriarchy hurts women. Women are the victims of patriarchy, and the suffering of men occurs as a secondary consequence of their role as oppressor. The fact that patriarchy hurts women should be sufficient justification for fighting it.
An additional component of this frustration is the fact that men are more likely to be listened to than women. Feminist arguments often aren't taken seriously when articulated by women. We are still in the midst of a backlash, and women who advocate their liberation are termed "feminazis," "bra burners," and a host of other degrading terms. But when pro-feminist men articulate the same critiques of patriarchy, their position is seen as legitimate.
This sure does put genuinely pro-feminist men in a bind: remaining silent really isn't an option, but on the other hand, speaking out will inevitably result in perpetuating a system in which men are listened to more than women. This situation usually isn't the fault of pro-feminist men -- though sometimes men do expect to be patted on the head and thanked profusely and generally coddled for their recognition of basic principles of fairness and decency. There are men who are sincerely devoted to equality, however, and who don't expect to be thanked for it.
Honestly, I don't know the way out of this dilemma. Focusing on the ways in which PHMT may be a useful device for convincing men that it is in their own self-interest to fight patriarchy. The price of this persuasive argument, however, is undermining the strength of womens' voices. Men who are sincerely devoted to feminist principles should not rely upon self-interest as the source of their conviction.
Patriarchy hurts men, too, arguments should be abandoned because ultimately they serve to trivialize the fact that patriarchy significantly benefits many men at the expense of most women. That still leaves the problem of men being listened to more -- and I don't have a solution to that, but it would be swell if the boys would work on figuring out how to take a role in fighting for gender equality without overshadowing womens' contributions.
Women shouldn't bear sole responsibility for educating men and determining what their role in the movement should be.